The Secret of Mothers' Day

First, let me wish all the mothers here a wondeful day. And for the rest of you, some helpful hints on how to REALLY make a happy mothers' day. I know you want to get gifts and whatnot. Okay. But guess what. Lack of bath salts isn't the reason she doesn't take luxurious relaxing baths. A gift certificate for a manicure or massage would be just lovely sitting there on her dresser until it expires. Flowers are very pretty until they're dead the next day from lack of care, or dumped because the baby tried to put some in his mouth. Are you getting it yet?

I imagine a moment when I can GO GET a manicure, or take a hot bath, or get a massage. But there's that ironic thing about mothers' day again. Yep, it's that motherhood thing getting in the way. Crazy, isn't it?

Put away your wallet guys. What your wife really wants is for you to BE THERE. Step away from the computer...that's right, you can do it...no, NO! GET AWAY FROM THE LAWNMOWER DAMMIT! Go to the children. Yes, very good. I'm proud of you. So you've told her that you will take care of the kids while she spends an hour or two at the bookstore cafe. Good for you! Now, when she comes home, what will she find? Sure the children are alive. Nobody has swallowed drano or stuck a finger in a socket. But what about the rest of it? Did they eat when they were supposed to, or will that happen when mom comes home to feed them as they leap upon her, clawing and whining before she has her jacket off? Will she have to deal with the fingerpainting mess that occupied them while she was out? Was the bedtime routine delayed in favor of entertainment, for her to do when she comes home and the kids are extra tired and cranky? Hmmm. Let's try again.

"Honey, today (whatever day it is that you have off) I will be the primary caregiver. You pretend you're me. Need to do something? Go ahead! Who's stopping you? Need a nap before dinner? Okay, I'll wake you when I'm about to serve. I'll take over the usual stuff because I'm their parent too. Sorry kids, you still have to clean up your mess."

You will notice by the end of the day that mommy probably looks prettier. She's not yelling. She is willing to play cards and stuff. Wow, who knew? I did, and now you do too.