Is it Really That Bad???

I went to the website that I ordered the socks from, and under shipping information it says that they package very discreetly, in plain wrapping, with only "sock dreams" as the return. First of all, "Sock Dreams" is the name of the company, so what else would they put? And doesn't that say what's in the package? And should I be ashamed of buying socks? Is my mailman shocked and disgusted because I wear socks? WTF?

Actual Conversation

HUSBAND: This apple juice is nasty!

ME: It's grape juice.

HUSBAND: It's not bad!

Fug Relief

I went to the mall today. I don't go often so I hadn't seen the stuff for this season until now. This is a great shoe season, and boy do I love shoes. I've spent the past few years full of shoe crankiness due to all the fug that was being sold. It was frustrating to know that even if I had the money, which sometimes I did, I was unable to buy shoes because there weren't any decent ones to buy. Now, of course, I don't have the money, though I do need new shoes.

Recently, Craig said that you can control women with shoes. It's frighteningly close to being true. And "how many pairs of black velvet shoes do you need?" is an incredibly stupid question so don't ever ask it. If you have to ask, there's no way you'll understand the answer.

I dress backwards. I find a great pair of shoes and then think, "what clothes will I need to go with these?" Clothes are just there to enhance my shoes. (and of course, for legal reasons)

My husband claims not to understand my shoe obsession. I explain to him the differences between the uses for each pair to no avail, and yet I am constantly tripping on his three pairs of sneakers, four pairs of moccasins, four pairs of utility boots, etc. and he claims to need them all for different reasons, though he really only wears one or two and refuses to throw out the shoes that don't fit him. I wish there were some way to parlay this into some kind of fashion/grooming sense, but I haven't found it yet. He likes to get his hair cut by "the Russian guy in the subway." For that alone, I deserve new shoes.

Socks!

It's the time of year when I start thinking about keeping warm. Rebekah is a sock enabler. She gave me the link and I went shopping. No more chilly knees this year! Then again, I might start wearing more skirts. I bought these. The ones with the laces in back are velvet. The harem boys approve.

I Can't Believe I Did This

I pulled something in my right buttcheek. How stupid an injury is that? Now I'm limping like an idot because my ass hurts. I don't think I'll be around anyone who will ask. At least not in the next day or two. Hopefully I'll be fine by Sunday because the people at church are nosey, but in a nice way. Let's call it "concerned". Maybe "overly concerned". Maybe I'll just add it to the announcements.

UGH!

This is the day from hell. I'm not even getting into it. The kids have just gone to sleep. I'm going to just watch tv and knit and make jello for my daughter who is on clear liquids all day tomorrow, poor kid. Suckage is the word for today. Life is just kicking my ass.

This is why I don't let Wolvie babysit.

I Love This Time of Year

So the Jankees have made the AL East title again, which the Sux were also going for. I hope they make it to the series, but I'm going to Boston in October. I will have to hide any trace of NY from my accent. I'm going to have to go undercover. Kristin says I should call things "wicked spooney" and I'm in.

Tino finds this all very amusing. Now that he's retired, he has discovered existentialism and it's all dust in the wind to him as he looks up through the apple tree in the yard, making shapes from the clouds. My other harem boys say it's just doobage. Tattletales. I don't know why they can't get along better. All I know is that the first one to make me some smoked brisket gets a b- *cough cough* pardon me- a reward.

Something that's bothered me for years

Focault pendulums. Yes, I really do think about these things. I mean, I understand the concept of how they are supposed to work, I just don't understand why they DO. Wouldn't they only work at the poles? What keeps them swinging? I suppose I could google it, huh? Maybe when I'm in Boston I'll go to the museum of science, (thought the idea of going on a Saturday isn't pleasant) and pester a nice staff member who will think I'm completely retarded or something.

Very Cool Dance Video

No, I'm not in this, but is that my Hugh in the blue jacket with the drum? I must go practice now.

TV

I just saw a clip of Tucker Carlson on "Dancing with the Stars" and I need to wash my eyes out with vodka or something! I might end up suffering post traumatic stress!

And Craig honey, the word is "CRAPTASTIC!" How could you not know that? Jeez Louise!

I'm a Great Mommy!

I'm letting the kids have chocolate butterscotch pie for dinner.

I'm a Bad Mommy

I'm letting the kids have chocolate butterscotch pie for dinner.

We're So Talented

My 4yo is quite fond of the Ferguson singing like a lunatic recording, and has started singing along and trying to teach my 2yo to do the same. Meahwhile, I keep doing the EVH part of "Pretty Woman", because it's stuck in my head.

"ning ning ning ning ning WAAAAAAAAO
ning ning ning ning ning WAAAAAAAAO
BEH NEH NEH NEH NEH NEH NEH NEH..."

If I were serenading Hugh Jackman's butt in an elevator, do you think I could make it all the way to the "mercy!" part before he fell on the floor laughing?

Bob Dylan Launches Second Career!

Bob "Smoove Move" Dylan, pimping for social change.

Because Harem Boys Get Jealous

Another Song Stuck in My Brain

Craig is silly. Very silly. He does stupid singing like I do, and yes, this song is actually in my stupid singing repertoire. It's just made for it. I only do this stuff in front of the kids or in the kitchen. The world will never know. I don't know the person who made the video to go along with the song, but I don't know how to post sound files here so you got this. Thankfully, my friend Steve knocked this out of my head with his awesome version of "Pretty Woman". Steve is a guitar god. Which has nothing to do with Craig, but there ya go.