Appetizing

I just saw a commercial for Jimmy Dean frozen breakfast gak. They said "The eggs come from real chickens. The cheese comes from real cows, and the sausage comes from Jimmy Dean." I'll let this speak for itself.

Things That I Will Never Do

I will not get a man haircut just because I've reached a "certain age". I will also not color my hair various shades of rust for the same reason. I will never order a plate of fat and a diet soda. (It is extremely likely that I will never order a diet soda at all. It tastes like chemical dooky and probably makes you grow another head if you drink it long enough.) I am confident enough to state this in front of the entire internet.

Penguin Phone Calls

I wish I had this technology. I wonder if these people know what he did? I hope so! I want to be penguinized too.
http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/penguincalls.php

I Need to Start a Band

Today I thought of a good name for a band. Jojo's Nuts. I don't know what it means. I don't know a Jojo, there was no inspiration, no process. I was just riding along and suddenly thought, "Jojo's Nuts would be a good name for a band." Coincidentally, I got a soda at the mall that said "Hoobastank" on the cup. Now THAT'S a band name. I mean, it's gross but it's great. I would use it, although it makes me think of something you spray Lysol on. "Spray the shower curtain so it doesn't get hoobastank".

WARNING!!!!! ACHTUNG!!!!!!!

If a restaurant menu in any way indicates that cheesecake is served by the scoop, for God's sake, DON'T ORDER IT!!! Thankfully, I haven't made that mistake, so I can't tell you from experience, but I do know cheesecake and as I said before, my brain is not in my butt.

"I'd like a chunk of spaghetti please, with slice of sauce" Not good, not right.

Secret Language Part 2

No Explanation Needed

Educational Television

I learned something today. I learned that Godzilla has a brain in his butt. All these years I never knew that! TV has also taught me that a nut-covered cheese ball floats. As I have mentioned before, however, I do not believe that risotto is a colonial food, even if the Food Network says so. My brain is not in my butt.

Is it Just a Secret Language?

I overheard the following conversation while my children were playing in their room.

3yo: (screaming very dramatically and tragically) I NEED THOSE SHOES!!!!!! (calmly) and a cow.

7yo: How about that stuff over there? There's a hairbrush and a thing.

3yo: Okay!

Use Common Terms Please

"Fat Free" half and half? What? Isn't that air? No wonder the coffee stays the same color.