Who Knew?

I just got back from South Dakota. Some stuff that I learned:

I need to get caffeine into my life.

It really isn't the heat, it's the humidity.

Ignorance and prejudice are not exclusive to any particular race or religion.

A diet of white bread and cheap cold cuts makes my guts do unspeakable things.

White sage sucks.

Ticks are excellent jumpers.

I'm moderately claustrophobic.

How Many Licks Does it Take to Get to the Center of a Tootsie Pop?

It took our airheaded cat less than a day to learn to use the litterbox. It took our special ed dog two days to learn to sit and stay before she'd get fed. How long does it take an intelligent, college-educated man to learn that bras get dried on low? Seventeen years and counting so far. The world may never know.

Things I Learned Today

Today I learned that Swatch is still in business, and they still make cool watches like they used to, just not as many and not as cool. I also learned that they are way the hell expensive now. I ordered Sign of the Times from their unisex collection.

I learned that if your lips are chapped and you eat blueberries, you will look very ill, and it doesn't scrub off.

Dis Bitch Got Skillz Yo!

After years of going babysittingless (it's a word because I say it is), I finally have a friend available. I asked her how much she wanted for it, and she said she didn't really know. Then she decided that she will babysit for cheesecake. That's right, I bake my pumpkin carmel pecan cheesecake for her to take home to her family, and she stays with my kids all night. I knew that would come in handy somehow, but I thought more along the lines of pacifying invading aliens.