TOP TEN SIGNS THAT RIMA IS MISSING LATE NIGHT TELEVISION

10.Laughs in her sleep while eating imaginary Doritos

9. Turns to her husband in the morning and says “Paul, do we have any tooth brushing music?”

8. Has been having hallucinations about giant rats and pigs, and can only be talked down in a Scottish accent

7. Has replaced children’s reward stickers with reward meat platters

6. Has developed lactose intolerance and restless leg syndrome

5. Wore a suit of tortilla chips for Thanksgiving

4. Has been desperately searching the internet for a “host desk” knitting pattern

3. Makes sure that her kids start each day with a hearty, vitamin-fortified monologue

2. Invites other moms over for “a cup of tea and a chat”

1. Responds to mealtime pickiness with “Just eat it! It’s carbolicious!”