Odd Day's Happenings

Our son turned four today. I guess he's all grown up now. I asked him not to bat a balloon near the breakables on the fireplace and he said "What's the matter, do I offend?" Um, what?

My husband called me with his ass again. He must have our home number on speed dial or something, because every once in a while it happens. Then I feel like an idiot going "hello? hello?". I can hear him talking to the people at work. This time I said "hold your ears kids" and yelled as loudly as possible into the phone " HELP! LET ME OUT! I'M TRAPPED IN BRIAN'S PANTS! IF ANYONE CAN HEAR ME, FOR GOD'S SAKE GET ME OUT OF HERE!" Stupid, deaf fuckers. They wrecked my moment of glory. I just hung up. My kids worship me now though.

Hey Jeebus People, What's Yer Point?

You know the people who like to try to convert other people to their religion? They are so annoying and stupid. If they're trying to tell me that heaven is filled with people like them, and hell is filled with people like me, what exactly is it that they think I'd want to change?

The Mystery of Self

I'm not a gemini, nor do I have any kind of disassociative disorder, but I feel so conflicted. I have a really hard time reconciling my humanitarian, compassionate half, who always feels bad for people who are hurting, wants to help, believes in human rights, live and let live, etc. with the misanthropic side of me who is subjected to daily demonstrations that people are fucking fuckwits, and the world would be far better off if humans just spontaneously combusted. That side of me also wants to smack people.

I'm FAT!

Holy crap, I'm serious! I don't think I've ever been this fat. I ate three slices of pizza for dinner tonight. THREE! WHAT THE HELL? I haven't done that since I was a teenager, but I could, then. I didn't even weigh enough to give blood. Phooey.

So now I'm off to do some rond de jambe a thises and rond de jambe a thats, and various other similar thingies while Dave and Craig keep me awake and encouraged. Man, this sucks.

Rock and Roll Confusion

Somebody needs to 'splain somsing. Why was Madonna inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame? Isn't that for Rock and Roll performers? When did she do that? Makes no sense. And yet, no Alice Cooper.

Happy Pi Day!

Today is 3/14. Pi day. I had planned to bake a pie or two, and of course, teach the kids how to calculate the circumference of that pie. Unfortunately, I am somewhat challenged, and thought that tomorrow was the 14th, and made other plans for today. Well, I'm going to go ahead with it anyway because I'm stubborn. Yay stubbornness!

I'm going to make a vegan cookie pie for my allergic kid, and for the rest of us, I'm thinking chocolate chess. Maybe I'll get a can of cherry filling to go on top. I know, filling from a can! Shocking, isn't it? Well how else would I find pie cherries this time of year? Anyway, I hope everyone enjoyed some good pie and math today.

If only I had known it were possible...

see more loldogs are funny dog pictures!

It's the Little Things

I am having a seriously craptacular day. It's been awful. I had one thing that really gave me a lift just now. I just found out that Igor Stravinsky wrote a piece called "Don't Throw Paper Towels in the Toilet". Totally made my day.