I'm so done with this damned stomach virus! Let's see who's tougher against raw garlic! HAHAHAHAHA! Oh yeah, don't mess with me because I get crazy! Meanwhile, enjoy this lovely bit of juvenile humor:

I Just Don't Understand!

Why oh why is puking such a popular pastime with my children? WHY???

And why does a drug that is like cocaine to most people put me right to sleep? I'm so frustrated right now, you wouldn't believe. I'm forcing myself to be awake in case I have to hold a bucket under my 3yo's chin.

HAPPY SPRING!

Although my yard is still a tundra, happy first day of spring! We colored eggs today. Although I made a point of staying out of the kitchen while they were boiling, my daughter told me they were peeping again. LALALALA I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!!!

We made really good bread nests too. I managed to save some for the Man of the House. I suppose tomorrow we'll go to the park for our annual egg chucking fest. I wish I had some Peeps.

BEST! SIDE-EFFECTS! EVER!!!!!!!!

I was reading Newsweek yesterday and I came across an advertisement for a drug that I can't remember the name of. It's for restless leg syndrome. Anyway, I was reading the side-effects (for amusement) and check it people- hypersexuality and compulsive gambling! I'm not kidding! Well, it will keep their legs from being restless as they cruise the casinos with hookers all night.

My Crazy Life

I just found my car on Consumer Reports "used cars to avoid" list. Yay for me! I'm also so PMS paranoid that I added brownie mix to my grocery order, even though I know I have a box in the pantry. I'm afraid it might not be enough.

But not to worry! I recieved in the mail, the answer to all my problems! That's right, you guessed correctly. I recieved a paper drawing of a hankerchief. It is annointed and blessed! Yes it's a BIBLE hankerchief! All I have to do is write on it the exact amount of money I would like to recieve or the exact amount of brownie mix if I like, put it under my bed with the SPECIAL SEALED PROPHECY that it came with, and the next day, mail it back. WTF? The insane writing all over the envelope was most entertaining.

We are NOT Amused!

A particular harem boy is in deep doodoo tonight. The previous post was just part of a bit that I wrote about the Lichtenstein/Switzerland thing. Yes, I mentioned the terrifying swiss army knives.

GUESS WHAT SAID HAREM BOY/LATE NIGHT TALK SHOW HOST DID IN HIS MONOLOGUE?!!!!

AAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!! My children heard me howl. This is not the first time, either.

Look, harem boy, you either need to get the hell out of my brain or give me a job! Mistress is not pleased. Not pleased at all. You get to clean out the gutters now. Grrrrr.

WW III Narrowly Avoided

Switzerland recently invaded Lichtenstein by accident. They got about 2 km in before they realized it and turned around. Lichtenstein is TINY. I’m surprised that at 2 km, they hadn’t already crossed it! It’s barely noticeable.
“Um…”
“What?”
“I think we just stepped in Lichtenstein.”
“Eew!”
“No, it’s okay, it’s a country!”

Favorite Lyrics of the Day

Brought to you by Bruce Springsteen:

"Just wrap your legs 'round these velvet rims and strap your hands 'cross my engines"

Yeah. 'Nuff said.

I Crack Myself Up...

But I'm not going to tell you why because somehow I don't think you'll be laughing with me. You'll just have to trust me on this one.

Feeling Better Today

But not quite better enough. Hmmm. What could cheer me up?

Wolverbutt!!!!!

Yeah, that's the ticket.