AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!! CALL 911!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was cooking dinner when Angus came to me, holding his finger out in front of himself, squeaking and looking distressed. I assumed he had boobooed it and wanted it kissed. As my lips touched the adorable, little, pink fingertip, I realized that he wasn't hurt, he was showing me a booger!!!!!!!

Remember when Snoopy kissed Lucy? Yeah, that was me!

Mmmm, Oooey Hughey Wolverchops...

Maybe His Penis Kept Getting in the Way.

I have a cheap, laminate and plastic, piece-o-crap violin that I thought would make a nice wall decoration. So after we painted the livingroom, I asked my husband to hang it up for me. For some reason he said it wasn't possible. He said he needed to do research. Whaaaa???? Ooookay. I was getting impatient about it and wondered if he had finished doing his research on whacking two nails into a wall, but no, he asked for more patience.

So months later, last night, he returned home with a rather obtrusive, padded contraption with a block of wood for a base, that attaches to the wall. (I wonder if he did research on how to attach the block of wood to the wall) It is a special hanger for a real instrument that is played every day by a musician. It's for them to store it within reach, rather than have to go in and out of the case all the time. It's not for attaching a decoration to your wall. It would be like creating a big, padded set of brackets to hang a picture on a wall. I'm not looking to store my real violin, I'm looking to decorate the living room with a fake one. Then again, I'm female so I don't constantly have visions of complicated hardware and engineering feats running through my brain. I got stuff to do.

So with his idea rejected, this morning he asked me "what my vision is" for it. I think he has been too long in the entertainment industry. I don't "have a vision". I just wanted the damn thing nailed to the wall. He said he would think about what he needed to do to make that happen. Jeez Louise.

Of course, when he left for work, I got two pieces of scotch tape, two nails, a hammer, and voila! My "vision" has appeared. Whew, that was tough!

Home Schooling Vs. Traditional Schooling

There are countless reasons why people are for or against home schooling. Some political, some social, educational, etc. and on and on, but here is the real bottom line.

In school, when you do a nice job on your multiplication tables, you get a gold star or a smiley face. At home, when you do a nice job on your multiplication tables, you get to watch "Attack of the Giant Leeches".

'nuff said

My Darling Son

Just ralphed in my hand. Don't worry, I washed them before posting. He has also removed and hidden the "childproof" safety lock we finally found to keep him out of the dishwasher. It's probably with the cable box card that we never found. We used to have a very naughty cat who would hide the waterguns while we were sleeping so that we couldn't squirt him when he was misbehaving. They would have made a dangerous team.

FEMA is no longer giving the evacuees debit cards. I can understand that, but the solution they came up with is a head slapper. Hurricane victims are required to apply for FEMA aid through their website. Yes, on the computers they don't have with the electricity they don't have. When they do this, they will get a direct deposit into their bank that doesn't exist anymore, but they can always use the atm cards that they left in their now nonexistent homes.

Now, I can see one really stupid person at FEMA suggesting this, but I can't see everyone else saying "oh yeah that's a good idea!" I mean, it's kind of obvious, isn't it????

POP QUIZ!

Okay, here's where we see if you guys have been paying attention.

This morning my husband left and won't be back until late Saturday night. Guess what Angus just started doing?

In Denial?

Then read this. http://www.lifeaftertheoilcrash.net/ And not to add to the panic or anything, but there will be a chocolate shortage, with prices climbing soon.

At Least They Haven't Started the Hazing

Poor, poor, new harem boy. Sir Paul and Wolverine were trying to explain to him that people named James who are cool don't actually use it. They go by a completely unrelated name, like Paul or Logan or Wolverine. Wolvie offered him Emilio, since he's not using it anymore, but Jamie didn't like it. Yes, he likes to be called Jamie, and you know what happened when they heard that? Tino and Craig pantsed him while Bobby hit him in the head with a rack of ribs for having a sissy-boy name. So no James or any derivative, ESPECIALLY not Jamie. For now, they're calling him New Guy, or worse. I can't repeat them here. He's taking it like a man though. He says being a harem boy of mine is worth any suffering. So true, so true. For your viewing pleasure, here's a picture of New Guy.

Devastation in the South

I just can't believe what these people are going through. I can't imagine being separated from my children, how it would feel for them, how they would survive, how we could ever possibly find each other again. I can't imagine having to hide my family in a dark corner somewhere, to keep them safe from the fighting and shooting.

My daughter had her piano lesson today. She has always shied away from jazz pieces, not really liking them and having difficulty with their rhythm. Today she decided to learn one because jazz comes from New Orleans and she wants this to be her personal tribute. Her teacher took that lightheartedly, but I had to keep from crying. I hope that someday she'll be able to play in that once beautiful city, and that it will be beautiful then too.

I'm thankful that the majority of the devastated area is NOT full of shooting and looting and fighting and killing, but of people trying to help each other as best they can. I have no words for our government. At least none that won't put me on the homeland security shit list.

Size Really Does Matter

I've been trying to understand this for a long time and it just escapes me. Why do the little pieces of Doritos taste better than a regular sized chip? Coffee tastes better in a teacup than in a mug. Muffins taste better if you eat them by breaking off little pieces instead of biting from the whole thing. But cookies- definitely bigger is better. No question. The science of this completely escapes me.