Hey now, Santa!

I heard a radio commercial for the New York State lottery. It seems that they would like people to give instant win tickets as holiday gifts. To encourage this, they've come up with holiday themed games. My personal favorite is "Frosty's Jolly Bonus". I did not make that up. The lottery people did.

"Is that a lottery ticket in your stocking, or are you just happy to see me?"

Primal Instinct

There are some things that we don't need to be taught. Having a child makes this evident. Practically since birth, when my three-year-old hears the Ramones, her head automatically starts bopping. I trust Mother Nature. (except for the reproduction thing. That's insane.)

Some Romantic Advice

If a guy sleeps with your undies under his pillow, he's either someone you should marry, or someone you should get a restraining order against. You make the call.

"Huh?" Lyrics of the Day

"Wawa! You've given me a Wawa!"

Whaaaat? I guess "7-11" didn't quite fit. Why would someone give him a convenience store? I suppose they could. I mean, he was so rich, he probably had everything. I thought about this, probably much more than is healthy. I concluded that the lyrics are really meaningless. It was just him saying "I'm George fucking Harrison and I can write whatever stupid shit I want to and get paid millions for it!" Yep. That was it.

Lucid Dreaming

Lucid dreaming is a handy skill to have. I've been practicing it for years as a way to deal with nightmares. I'm not as good at it now that I have children to listen for at night, but now and then it works out. (Hugh, I can't believe what you did on only our second date. You are such a ho. Okay, what WE did. I'm a ho too. Sue me.)

Mine All Mine!!!!!!

My very own place to write what I will. No censors here. I can say whatever I want. If anyone reads it (yeah right) and doesn't like it, well stiff bickies! Lookie: FUCK FUCK FUCKITY FUCK FUCK FUCK! Eat that, Ashcroft!

My Toilet Mocks Me

My toilet mocks me.
It won't stop running.
I jiggle the handle and it just falls down.
I open the tank and lift, drop, tug everything in there.
The water keeps running.
The tank does not fill so it can never flush.
The sound is like hissing laughter.
"Haha foolish mortal! You must journey to the upper regions just to pee!''
My toliet mocks me.

I Love Food Network

Thank you Alton Brown for the newest euphemism in our house- "man yams". It's what men have that women don't. My daughter thinks it's hilarious. She tries to use it often. Suffice it to say, the supermarket isn't the best place, especially at the speaking volume of a six-year-old.

My Inaugural Post- Yippee.

So here I am with a blog. Blog sounds like the congestion in my head that I always wake up with. Well, here I can ponder deep thoughts, and you can ponder them along with me. Things like food honesty (not to be confused with beard honesty). Yesterday I made baked ziti for dinner, but I didn't have ziti. I used penne. Is it still baked ziti? Is it okay that I told my family that it was? Am I wrong on both counts?